It's All Relative....

I've been digging out some of my spring/summer clothes and this morning I put on an outfit, looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "this is the outfit I was wearing when Grandpa called to tell me he was ready to go meet St. Peter". I'm thinking that is how I will always remember that outfit. Every little detail of that week is engraved in my head...sometimes I think it's a blessing....sometimes I wish I could just let it all go and move on. This is how my morning started.

We've had a busy week at work. We had to move half of our department from a beautiful suite on the 4th floor of the MOB to a conference room in the basement of the hospital (under the stairs) in order to comply with Medicare guidelines regarding physician supervision. I'm thankful that they didn't shut us down completely and I still have a job, and the move is only temporary...we should be able to move back Jan. 1st at the latest, but man is it a pain in the ass. We have to run between two different places on opposite ends of the campus, and our new location is really small. Again, I truly am just thankful to still be employed. A couple of rehabs have closed down completely, and some have had to move to a different hospital. It could always be worse....

Four patients stick out in my mind today. All between the ages of 62-68, 2 males, 2 females. One of the things I find most fascinating about my job is learning every one's story, what they did and the choices they made throughout their life that landed them in Cardiac Rehab with me! I'm also looking at these patients and how some look a lot younger than their age, and some a lot older, thinking "gosh, my parents aren't too far from their 60's!" It really makes you realize that age truly is just a number, and you're only as old as you feel!

My day ended on a very sad note with the loss of one of our pulmonary patients. This man had been battling infection since the beginning of the year. Three weeks ago he walked into the gym to inform us he had colon cancer. Last Thursday he had an operation to try and remove the cancer, we visited with him later that afternoon and the surgery was a success. He was sitting in bed, talking, and excited that he was able to get off the ventilator so quickly. Friday, he coded three times, was transferred to the ICU and put back on the ventilator along with dialysis. I'd visited him every day this week except for Tuesday when I was off. He seemed to be improving, in fact, yesterday they were doing trials to take him off the vent. Yesterday when I was talking to him he would nod his head in recognition, even though he was heavily sedated. However, this morning he took a turn for the worse,was removed from the ventilator and quietly slipped away this afternoon. I really wish I would've gone up this morning when I had a free moment to see him one last time. We got a call from the ICU nurse to say that he had passed away. I went up to see his wife. Before walking into the room I caught a glimpse of G. and it immediately brought me back to what it was like being there when Grandpa passed away. There is truly no way to describe it. One thing his wife said to me was, "if there is anything to be learned from this it's don't wait to pursue your passions. G. thought he had all of the time in the world to do the things that he loved, and then he got sick, and didn't feel well enough to do them. Don't wait!" G. was only 63.

One comfort that I have is that in talking to G. the past few weeks he was preparing his heart, mind, and soul for the possibility that things might turn out the way they did. He was truly the happiest I'd seen him in months. Which got me thinking...at what point in your life do you become prepared to die, if there even is such a thing? Does it take severe illness to get you there? Faith? A life fulfilled? I can tell you I'm nowhere near ready, God forbid. However, one very common thread between G. and my Grandpa was that they both seemed to be at peace with their life which is a very reassuring thing for those of us left behind, at least it is for me.

As for the outfit...I'm not sure I'll be wearing it again anytime soon, if at all.